Leah, I am
by Avari-at-heart
Summary: Leah's heartache is never ending. It seems to attack her in every spot. Her father just died, the love of her life loves her best friend. But there's a man out there for her. He loves her like she will come to love him Everyone has a soul mate.
1. Chapter 1

One:

" I'm fine, I'm fine. Everything's going to be okay." I sobbed to myself, my tears blinding my eyes.

I sobbed, my chest shaking with the force of my tears. They ripped me apart, even further, something I thought would be impossible.

I shook my head, they thought I was just bitter, and angry. But couldn't they see through my lies? I was broken, beyond repair, I don't think I can make any more of an effort.

Suddenly the sadness that coursed through me was terrible.

One word left my mouth with a bitterness and vulnerability that was in no other.

I threw the vase of flowers Emily sent me against the wall, the glass cracking and the water dripping leaving stains on the wall.

" LEAH!" cried Seth,

He ran inside my room, took one look at me and then at the vase and shook his head.

I fell back against the wall, my body shaking and my face crumpling up in sadness.

" Lee." Whispered Seth, he was crying too. He lost his father too.

" Come here." I called to him, he ran into my arms and we sobbed together.

Our tears collecting and our breaths shaking till we both fell asleep.


	2. Chapter 2

TWO:

It had been two weeks, two weeks of my own personal hell to add onto the torture I already endured.

My head cocked to the side as I watched Emily hand out muffins to the pack; she looked at me and placed one on my plate without asking. Her beautiful face gazing back at me with a sadness and loneliness that she hid so well from the others.

I shook my head at her and looked away from the muffin. I hadn't eaten in two weeks; I was starving yet every time I tried to eat I ended up vomiting back up.

" Leah, you haven't eaten in weeks. Please, " begged Emily. Suddenly the pack was silent, watching Emily beg with me.

" No. "

" Leah, maybe you'll look back on all of this and laugh at how you were strong." She implored,

" But not today. Cause I don't feel so good." My voice came out scratchy and it sounded like a little girl was speaking.

" Oh Leah," Emily began to cry, she dropped the muffins, and she wrapped her arms around me.

I stood stiff,

" I'm so sorry Leah. For _everything,_" she sobbed.

From the corner of my eye I saw Sam's hand twitch, but Jacob held him down.

For a split second I wanted to believe that it twitched for _me_, that he wanted to comfort _me_, that it was _me_ he couldn't stand to see suffer.

But of course, it wasn't. It was Emily it was always_ her_.

I pushed her away, and she stared at me with agonizing tears running down her cheeks.

" I'm tangled up inside. My heart is hanging on my sleeve. I want it to get better. But I don't know what tomorrow will give me. Because it hasn't been so great to me before." I whispered, wrapping my arms around myself. Keeping _myself _together.

" Leah, please. Let me help you. Let me make it better!" she begged me, capturing my face in her tiny hands.

" You made me feel this way. It was always you. Little Emmy had to have her way. No matter who it hurt. "

She let out a loud wail, and covered her face with her hands. Sam stood up, he had enough.

" Leah, you know that isn't true. You're letting your anger blind you." He said through clenched teeth.

" Anger." I spat, " Maybe if you looked hard enough, if you cared- any of you- you'd notice it was pain."

I stood up, turning to go when I heard Emily whisper softly

" It was me. Leah, it was me. I'm so sorry."


	3. Chapter 3

THREE.

I ran blindly after that incident, letting my instincts take me. Letting the pain have me, letting it eat me alive.

In my wolf form it was slightly better, I had more of an animal instinct. Though the pain was still there, the animal in me kept it at bay.

_Leah. Wait up! Wait for me!_ Called Seth, I tried to ignore the hurt I inflicted on him by abandoning him like everyone had done to me.

_Leah needs to do this, Seth. _Said Jacob, holding Seth back and closing his eyes as he felt Sam screaming at him.

I let out a shaky breath, and kept on running. My muscles ached and my heart felt like

The night's wind howled and the trees cast dark shadows along the ground.

I let out a strangled howl, and fell to the floor. This was all so messed up.

I slowly lifted myself up from the ground, my nose covered in dirt. My wolf form didn't care, and frankly neither did human Leah either.

_Leah, come out to play!_ Laughed Jacob, smiling as he galloped towards the once so strong wolf/girl that he used to know.

_Shoo Wolf._ I smiled softly, leaning my giant wolf head against his.

_I Believe it's shoo fly._ Laughed Jacob, his chest rumbling as he let out a loud chuckle.

_Do you love her?_ I asked suddenly, letting the terrible pain of the memories eat at me.

_Bella's my everything. I'm gonna marry her, I'm gonna back her better. _ The way he spoke of him made my heart yearn for someone to speak of me that way…But I knew it wasn't true, the fates were so screwed up. He would imprint, and she would become me.

_If you love her-_ I began, but he cut me off. His immense love blinding him of what was so clearly ahead of him.

_I love her, there are no "If's". _He growled, but the if's were so possible and so definite that they could not be ignored.

_Then let her go._ I could feel his sudden confusion and his heart broke at the thought of even having to let go.

_What-Leah…No._ His mind was set, and I could see the hinges of it. They were not going to break, but I had to try.

_You'll imprint, she'll turn into me._ I implored, my heart and soul set into saving this girl.

_No. I would never Leah. I am not Sam._ His voice was rough but his heart was big, he pitied me.

_Jacob, you have to!_ My heartstrings were being pulled. They were hurting and of course so was I.

_No! Leah I will not._ He was now being rough, he saw me as depressed and crazy. I was making him angry, and this was my last chance. I knew what I had to say, though I didn't want to.

_She'll be alone again! You'll be the reason. _I went for a less rough approach, but I knew I had angered him to the boiling point.

_I will not!_ He growled, he stood stiff and far away from me. His fir sticking up and his feet pounding the floor.

_You're no better than Edward, in fact- you're worse. He left for HER, you're staying for YOU. _ I had hit him below the belt and had struck a nerve so deep I knew I would have to be moved to the hospital.

But, he turned and left without another word. I blocked him out of my mind, keeping his hostile thoughts away from me. And so I wandered, terribly alone. And terribly hurt.

My mind wandered and what saddened me was that there was no one there to talk to me. I had pushed them all away.

I heard distinct moaning and coughs and whimpered "help's" coming from the cliff a few miles ahead of me. I phased out of wolf form and pulled on my clothes.

Who would be here in the middle of the night? It was warm but not warm enough to go swimming. The pain was gnawing at my chest and I had to gasp at the pain of it all.

A figure appeared on the floor, crouched and bloodied. I ran to it, and gasped at what I saw.


End file.
